Vocation Stories

A Gift to Be Lived in Service 

Coming from a big family, I grew up with a strong sense of service, of helping out, so it was no wonder as I prepared for college, although uncertain of what degree to pursue, that I was certain of one thing: I wanted to do something that would allow me to help those in need. Inspired by the help several family friends had received at that time from physical therapy, I enrolled in a pre-physical therapy program at Kansas State University with the hope of one day making a positive impact in other’s lives. Though I enjoyed what I was learning, the more familiar I became with the line of work as a Physical Therapist, I began to realize it was not a good fit for what I was seeking. Now looking back, I see how this change of career plans was in fact a nudge from our Lord that my desire to help others was a call to something greater. 

Up to that point in my life, I had been unaware that God had a plan for me; I mistakenly assumed that “figuring it out” depended on me, and my attempts at doing so left me anxious and burdened. How was I supposed to know what career path would be the right fit? Perhaps I could be a missionary and serve in a foreign country somewhere? The questions were endless and I didn’t seem to be getting anywhere. Precisely in the midst of trying to solve my dilemma, the idea of being a “Sister” came to me one afternoon. Quite simply I brushed it aside as another one of my crazy ideas, but unlike the others that only led to a dead end and faded away, this one kept coming back, though in a more gentle and inviting way. 

By God's grace, I had a sense that this was coming from Him and that I was in need of a great deal of prayer to know how to respond. I began praying the Rosary daily and visiting our Lord in adoration between classes, but for the most part, I was clueless on vocational discernment. At first I remember thinking it was just a matter of finding a convent somewhere and ‘signing up’. Fortunately, our Lord knew that I was in need of help, not only guidance, but a fair share of interior surrender. During the following months, I attended a retreat and it was there that I received one of the biggest graces of my discernment: leaving my vocation in God's hands. “Lord, if this is what you want, you will get me there” – and it was by this act of trust that I was free to actually enjoy the adventure the Lord was leading me on. 

I eventually moved home and applied to nursing school, and to my surprise, a community of Religious Sisters also attended the school - the Sisters Servants of Mary. After getting enough courage to approach them, we began a friendship that would eventually lead me to fall in love with their charism and ministry with the sick and dying. They were essentially doing what I desired to do: helping others, yet it wasn't until a year later when I was given the opportunity to accompany a Sister one night as she cared for her patient, that my perspective changed on what it meant to help others. The simplicity of their ministry, their prayerful presence at the bedside of the sick, and the deeply contemplative aspect of seeing Christ in those who suffer, helped me realize that the greatest service we can offer others isn't so much what we do, but who we are, being Christ for others, and sharing his love with those in need. 

Shortly after this experience, my second semester of nursing school began, but something was different. Until then, I had thought that finishing the nursing program first was the most logical thing to do. It was only a year and a half until I would have my degree, and then I would

happily follow my vocation. Still, there seemed to be something missing or out of place. With my main focus on my studies, I didn't realize I had left the question of discernment on the back burner. Providentially, my contact with the Sisters helped me recognize a need I wasn't addressing. Could it be that the Lord was asking me to follow him, not someday in the future, but now? What was He asking, and was I willing to say yes? The moment I had been waiting for so long was all of a sudden before me, and by God's grace, the challenge of leaving all behind, even my studies, no longer seemed to be an obstacle. All I wanted was to follow our Lord's call and realizing that He was opening the doors before me, I decided to follow. 

A few weeks later, I began my religious formation as a Servant of Mary in California. The following nine years of formation prepared me for my Perpetual Profession of Vows as a Sister Servant of Mary in December of 2021. This total gift of self to God is lived out through vows of Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience, and in our daily community life as Sisters as well as our ministry with the sick and dying. For the most part, our life as Servants of Mary is hidden to the world; we gratuitously care for the sick, remaining at their bedside as Mary did at the foot of the Cross. My vocation as a Servant of Mary is, undoubtingly, a great gift and a call to place my life at God’s service, being a Sister for others by following Christ who came not to be served but to serve.

"I grew up Catholic but not well-catechized. From my earliest memories, I can remember loving the Lord and talking with Him, and I have a distinct memory of losing trust in Him when my grandfather died when I was 10.  When I went to college, I found myself growing in prayer and love of the Bible and fellowship with new Christian friends, most of whom were Protestant and who had a lot of questions about my Catholic faith that I didn't know how to answer.  During that time, the father of one of my new friends had a heart attack and it made me fall to my knees in prayer.  In that prayer, the emotions and experiences of my grandfather's death came swirling back and I found myself crying for my friend and her dad, then for my broken relationship of trust in the Lord, and finally in conversion to giving Him my whole heart.  Within a few months, as my prayer life continued to grow and my new-found trust continued to strengthen, I found myself thinking that the Lord was calling me to be a Sister or a Nun.  I didn't know any Sisters, but I just had this peaceful confidence that someday I would be one.  Then, a few months later, I found myself questioning my faith in the Real Presence in the Eucharist as well as still not having answers to all of these other questions that were coming up with my Protestant friends.  I also had a deep desire to share communion with my Protestant friends, so I made the painful decision to leave the Catholic Church.  I assumed I had just gotten that whole "nun idea" wrong, and moved forward living out my faith in different Protestant churches. 

After 10 years, I ended up in Kansas at KU for graduate school and found myself in a difficult spot where I knew I needed to have a stronger prayer life and rely more on the Lord, so I Googled "spiritual direction in Lawrence, Kansas" and found the Apostles of the Interior Life.  My spiritual director helped me grow in my prayer life and also pushed me to try to understand more about why I didn't believe in the Eucharist.  In the process, I found myself on several occasions praying at the St. Lawrence Center in Eucharistic Adoration.  My heart felt like it was cracking open, and the Lord was so present.  In my daily times of mental prayer, I found the Lord beginning to speak with me in subtle ways and then in very direct ways -- (not like an audible voice, but just a very clear understanding of Him speaking) -- and eventually leading me to a point where I said, "If the Catholic Church is right about the Eucharist, then I gave up fellowship with God for fellowship with my friends."  I was falling in love with Jesus in the Eucharist and longing to be able to receive Him again.  Within a year of beginning spiritual direction, I went to Confession and came home to the Catholic Church.  Within a few months, in those times of daily mental prayer, the Lord brought back to mind that idea that had first come up as a freshman in college -- that, now that I was Catholic again, He actually could be calling me to be a Sister.  I panicked and brought this to my spiritual director, asking her to carry it for me because it just seemed like too much in the moment.  She helped me to learn more about discernment, about growing in appreciation of both the vocation to marriage as well as the vocation to consecrated life, to find healing in parts of my heart where I needed it, and to continue to grow closer to the Lord through prayer and the Sacraments. 

Eventually, after a morning of prayer and Confession and of just "hanging out with the Lord" in nature for a bit, I was at home doing something totally ordinary -- shopping on the internet.  In the back of my head, I could hear myself saying, "I don't have to do this.  I don't have to say yes.  I could say no."  I caught myself and thought, "What am I talking about?"  All of a sudden, I knew that I was responding to an invitation from the Lord to have an undivided heart and follow Him in a consecrated vocation.  I had the freedom to say no, but if He was inviting me, I wanted to say yes to this adventure with Him.  I continued my discernment and continued to see evidence that the Lord really was inviting me to consecrate my life to Him.  So, the next question was where?  I visited many different religious communities and loved all that I was learning about Jesus from these women religious, but each time, something didn't quite fit.  I didn't understand why or what I was supposed to do, and I just had to beg the Lord in prayer (and sometimes in tears) to help me understand.  It has to be in His timing -- and it really is just about running after Him and letting Him reveal the next steps.  But, I had some blocks up in my heart that were preventing me from seeing or taking those next steps, so the Lord and I worked on those together each day in prayer in the chapel.  I realized that I was looking at religious communities as a "safety net" where I wouldn't have to worry about a job or health insurance or retirement, and the Lord was showing me that this was not the point of a religious community and that I needed to trust Him even more. 

Eventually, after a very special homily and a grace-filled time of prayer at Mass one Sunday, I stayed long after in the chapel and I prayed, "Lord, I know you are speaking and that I am not hearing or understanding.  Whatever it is, my answer is yes.  I just need to know what I am saying yes to."  And then, I started journaling His response.  He was calling me first and foremost to a life of prayer (including daily Mass and Adoration and the Liturgy of the Hours and daily meditation and the rosary), to a life of ministry and apostolate, and to a life in the world where He would take care of me through a job or other means.  And then wrote, "Is this consecrated?  Is this a real thing?"  A friend told me, "You need to check out Consecrated Virginity Lived in the World."  When I looked up more information on this vocation, I found that the first job of a consecrated virgin is prayer (including daily Mass and Liturgy of the Hours).  She also does ministry in her parish and diocese.  Finally, she lives in the world and has a job to support herself.  Everything the Lord had revealed to me!  And then I read how Consecrated Virginity Lived in the World is the oldest form of consecrated life in the Church.  I hadn't made it up!  It was what the Lord was calling me to and I hadn't even known it existed as a vocation!  I continued to learn and discern more and, for the first time, it was all "fitting."  I asked Archbishop Naumann to consider me for this vocation and, over a period of three years, continued to be formed and grow in my understanding of this call.  On February 2, 2014 (the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord and the World Day for Consecrated Life), I was consecrated as a virgin living in the world at the hands of Archbishop Naumann at the St. Lawrence Center at KU.  Praise God!  I continue to learn more each day about trusting the Lord and living out this vocation, always knowing that He is providing the grace I need for whatever comes next.  I am so grateful to my Divine Spouse for His patience with me throughout my life and His constant faithfulness and love."